This gorgeous girl turned a big 5 year old yesterday!! proud pose to prove it...lol. She is off to prep next week too.....big week for both her and me!!
Hard for me to believe that she is 5....harder to believe that I have a 5 year old daughter. I know that probably seems strange seeing as my eldest son is 14. But when Mikayla died a part of my brain gave up on alot of things, I guess it was my way of coping.I had a little moment on monday when I hung her uniform up in the wardrobe. I had been rushing around all day, and finally got home, had my medicimal cup of coffee and thought I best put those uniforms away. I put that little dress on the hanger, and smoothed out the wrinckles. This way one of the little things I had given up on...buying a little girls uniform, and all of a sudden I was a mess all over again. It's horrible how sometimes these things smack you in the face, and somehow comforting too. Love never dies, it all too true, and although you find away to get through your life (sometimes one day at a time)it's these little moments that remind me that that Mikayla was here, she made her mark, and that I love and miss her as much now as I have ever have. For some reason this gives me comfort, a confirmation that I haven't forgotten, and that I never will. I choose to hold these moments as precious.
And now there is Lilyana, another little girl, so very different, but just a special and preicious as her big sister. I have to admit that from time to time still, I look at her and can't seem to get my head around that she, this pretty little girl, is MY daughter.....my brain still talks back to me...'but you lost your daughter', something I still fight with to get by...obviously. I love my Lily to absoulte bits, she is everything in this world a little girl should be. She's in to Barbies and ballet, has all the males in her life completely twisted around her tiny little finger. I try so damn hard to make sure I don't put any extra weight on those little shoulders, she's not a replacment, but a different child altogether. Her milestones, are just that, her milestones.
So Happy Birthday to my beautiful little girl, and here's to a lifetime of them to come!!!!
(so sorry if I bummed anyone out....sometimes I do feel the need to vent, and I figure this is my little place to do so, for my own records...IYKWIM)
much hugs and kisses
Cass xxxx
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5 comments:
Big hugs to you.
Hi Cass, what a little princess Miss Lilyana looks in this photo! Happy birthday to her! Hope she's excited about prep.
I think it's wonderful that you're able to pour out your feelings Cass and I hope it's theraputic for you.
Hi Cass,well look at miss Lily she is so adorable too.And five good heavans that has gone so quick.Hugs to you chiccie.take care Kerry xx
oh wow Cass I pop by quiet regulary from up North in Darwin as I love your work it is sooo inspirational. You bought tears to my eyes to day and I just wanted you to know that those words were really lovely how you explained it all and a Big Happy Birthday to your princess. Thanks for sharing sooo much and love to you.
Hi sweets :) Love the new look of your blog :)
Hey happy belated birthday to Lily! 5 man! Wow :)
Your words about your precious Mikayla touched my soul.
Sending my love always to you,
Lus x
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